Madness

"Oh my god, did you hear?" This seems to be how every conversation lately has started. Anyone that is familiar with The Ice is familiar with "The Rumor Mill". I am sure if you lived in a small town anywhere in the world, you would have rumor mill. Out of all three stations it seems to be the worst here though. It is strange, people just thrive on it here. Luckily I have not been the topic of a rumor yet this season, well at least not that I have known about. I try to not get involved in the malicious act but once someone gets people fired up, it can be easy to fall into. You can try and ignore it but the only real way to avoid it is to avoid being around people. This is not the only thing that has been stirring around here though. Typically the people spreading the rumor mill are the same people who have extremely negative attitudes in general. Rumor mill is one thing, you can ignore that most of the time but being surrounded by the negative attitudes is something that you cant escape here and you don't realize it is having an effect on you until you become that negative person.

The other day we hit the half way point between the last plane of the summer and the first plane of next summer. What does that mean? It means out of the almost exact 6 months without contact to the real world, we are half way done. I normally am a pessimist, but this is one thing I am looking at the good side of. The majority of people are walking around going I cant believe we have only been here for 3 months. Myself, I am excited that I only have 3 months left, hell that's no time! I have been deployed since September 2nd, so 3 more months is nothing. I am probably not going to leave on those first flights, but those first flights symbolize a beginning to an end so I am excited for that. The tone of the pessimist is strong here and I found myself falling victim to it several days and just thinking about how long it has been.

When that half way point hit, I decided that I was not going to fall victim anymore. I finished a book the other day that I had started over a year ago, those of you that have known me for awhile know that I am not the strongest reader, hell I am a mechanic for god's sake. But it is something that I have made a conscious decision to do more of and get better at. I am dyslexic and have astigmatism so for the longest time I would get frustrated when reading, and would have a hard time getting into the mood to read. I am a firm believer that people should always be learning though, when you stop learning you mind stops progressing. I didn't want to be that person, and since I have chosen to I have found several books that I find myself not being able to put down. The book I just finished is called Deep Survival like I said I started it along time ago. But in this book it goes over several scenarios where people are faced with life or death situations in isolated places and the choices they made had a direct impact on if they lived or died. I am obviously not in a situation where I am faced with life or death, but I am faced with a physical and especially a mental challenge to be down here for the remainder of this winter. In the book they quote an author that said something like emotion is useless at work. This is interesting to me because I am in a situation where my home life is still work, I cant really leave work. So does that mean that I am unable to have emotion? Not necessarily, but I do find myself realizing that if you take emotion out of the equation, then most of the problems and negative attitudes here would go away.

So the book reiterates to me that for me to stay sane and survive the winter here, I need to find a way to calm my emotions. One way I have found to accomplish this is by establishing small achievable goals, not only do you get an instant gratification which feels good it helps develop a flow and rhythm to your life. I am not one for schedules, I hate them and I hate feeling obligated to do things. But having things to shoot for without the structure is more my style. I have also given up on the people here. Some of you might be shocked and think that, that isn't good. But it is good for me. Like I said since the sun has gone down and there has been a lot of issues, people here just aren't happy. They aren't happy with the dark, there jobs, there bosses, the company, the food, the other departments basically if they can think of something to complain about they will. I found myself falling into that and I didn't like it, I was not happy and complaining a lot and just in a bad spot mentally. I eat meals in the galley still, but this is really my only time I spend with the general community. I wanted everyone to be happy and have fun and do all these community activities so we could be a tight group, but no one else seems to want those things and I am not waiting for them anymore. They say the people you winter with here, you will keep in contact with them for the rest of your life. Ha, I think there is maybe 4 to 5 people I can see myself making an effort to keep in contact with, everyone else, ehhh. I have started spending my off hours in my room reading, watching movies, playing video games etc. I have other activities planned for the rest of my season, like I want to try and learn another language and start a radio show. These are all things I can do that are somewhat constructive for me and allow me to not be around the general community.

I have found myself in a focused state of mind, it is strange I am thinking a lot and researching a lot about things I would like to do in my life time, not planning them just looking you know. I was walking outside the other day, it was about -20F and no wind, the stars were out bright and the moon was setting bright red on the horizon. It was one of the coolest things I have ever seen and I realized how much I love it here. I know strange to hear I guess after all that. But this place is amazing and is one of a kind and just full of beauty. People just forget sometimes, even if you were on a tropical island you would get tired of it after awhile, because it becomes routine. That's all it is here, people who come back year after year don't remember where they are at. It becomes a job to them and they forget that "hey idiot, you are in Antarctica". The people that complain, bitch and are miserable here are the people who have been coming back for years, they bitch about amenities that they used to have that got taken away. Hey look idiot, amenities are just that amenities. "You are in Antarctica for the winter!!!" Hello people, honestly you should be grateful you have power, heat and food. But yet you hear the "why don't we have wireless internet" or "my rooms cold". Seriously, come on?

With this I started to look back at myself and I have noticed that each season I come down it is harder for me. One there is a lot more expected of me each time, but I also learn a little more about the company, how things work etc. But the main thing is, is that with each time I come down I get a little bit more used to it and forget a little bit each time about where I am. It becomes a job and less of an adventure. I don't like that, I started this for the adventure and have turned it into a job. So I have made a decision to not come back next year, not for the summer, not for the winter, not at all. When I finish this contract I will have almost 2 full years in Antarctica and I want to leave it at that. I want to leave this place with the a good taste in my mouth. I want to leave it as an adventure and the experience of a life time, not a job. So like I said I have begun to avoid people and just be content with what I have and where I am. I keep myself busy both physically and mentally and just do my own thing, avoiding the negative people and there negative attitudes. Since I have done this, I am in a lot better mood and feel great. I am happy and I get to remember the beauty of this place and just enjoy the fact that I am spending a winter in the coldest, darkest, driest place on earth, Antarctica.

The Village - a short story

There once was a man who lived his life for work, and the ability to succeed. The man gave up family, friends and relationships for this foolish cause, but what he got in return was a vast education and the ability to travel and see the world. One day the man found himself with the opportunity to travel and live on a very remote island in the South Pacific, this island was like no where else on earth. Thousands and thousands of people dream of going there, but do not have the opportunity. So the man jumps at the chance to go. The island is filled with hundreds of small villages, most speaking different languages and following different cultural backgrounds. The man spends years and years traveling around the island visiting different villages, seeing how each village interacts.

One village he stopped at is very modern and very busy, lots of hustle and bustle. All the people there are treated well, and even the youngest and newest member to the village is listened to as if he was an elder that had been running the village for years. The people at this village are people that work with each other and strive for a common goal to help the village grow and succeed. All though the village was very busy and stressful, it seemed to have just the right amount of people to complete all the required tasks. If you needed help or had questions there was always someone there for you. This village by far was the mans favorite village that he visited. The village was in a location that did not offer a lot of amenities or places to go and visit outside the village but the community members of the village always had things to do and were always filling the day with new and exciting activities. One day a change in season was approaching and strong weather system arrived at the village, this forced the man and most the village people away. Only a select few stayed at the village to hold out through the extreme storm. Most the villagers that were forced to flee left the island never to return, the man would never again see these great people who he so enjoyed living with and taking part in there community. That thought saddened the man, but he did what he knew and began to move on. The man wandered all over this island searching and searching for the next place he could call home.

When one day the man ran across a very small village right on the coast, this was a tropical location, wildlife flourishing all around. The man engaged the village leader asking if he could come and stay with them, he could provide them with skills that would come later to be very useful to the village. This village was great as well, since it was so small every person had to put in twice as much work as the prior village, but the villagers valued a slow paced quiet life, which was different from the last village. The man, all though very busy and overwhelmed with work was very happy to be at this village. He found himself sitting outside on the beach listening to the waves crashing on the shore as he watched the sunset behind the hills. "The beauty of the world" the man would say. The man could go hiking and sailing even chase the deer through the meadows. At this village the man worked hard but played harder, he did not want to leave this village. He could envision himself growing old there watching the seasons change and the years pass. But one day the winds came from the north and brought with it a boat, not just any boat a boat carrying a village elder that had lived at the village long before the man had arrived. This elder liked the man, but decided he must leave. The man's skills were no longer needed at the village and the village was to small for both of them, so the man packed his bags and waited for the wind to change direction and away he went, looking back at the island wishing how he could stay but at the same time the man was relieved to go home. Since he had left for this island many years had passed since he had seen his family. The man was excited to go home and see his loved ones, tell them about all the great places he had lived on this island, all the great people he had met and the wildlife he had seen.

As the man lay in his bed on the boat waiting to arrive at his homeland, the wind suddenly changed direction and a gale storm was upon them. The boat rocked side to side waves crashing over the bow. Lighting and thunder all around them, rain falling down like a wall of water. The Captain fought to keep the boat going north, but the winds kept pushing them south. The storm lasted for days, the Captain and the crew doing everything they could to keep the vessel upright in the wind and constant crashing of the waves. Finally the journey ended as the boat crashed onto the rocks, the sails ripping apart, the wood crumbling like wet sand. The man was thrown from his bed, on the floor he realizes water is coming on board and slowly beginning to engulf the boat. The man, rushes to the top deck and flees the boat with the rest of the crew. The Captain stayed aboard grasping the mast as it sank slowly into the ocean. The man and the crew quickly swam to the rocks that had sank there boat and waited out the storm. The next morning the clouds parted and the sun began to shine through the sky as if nothing had happened, it was a beautiful morning. The man got up and began to look around. He was back on the island, the same island he had just left. He spotted a village off in the distance, he knew this village he had stopped by there in his travels. Maybe they will take him and the crew in and help them.

The man arrives at the new village and finds the village Chief, he tells the Chief there story and begs for assistance. The Chief grants the men permission to stay, but they must be part of the community and work like everyone else. The man and the crew quickly agree and thank the Chief. The Chief informs the man that they are at war with a neighboring island and that they do not expect to see any more ships for many months and they must wait here at the village until a ship arrives. The man asked the Chief if he was allowed to leave and try and find the small village he just left. The Chief said "No" and said he must stay in the village at all times. The man thought this was unfair but was grateful that the Chief took him in so he agreed and quickly fell into routine of living at the village. This village all though similar to the last two villages was very different. The man began to notice that the villagers were not allowed to talk to one another or do any type of activities as a group.

The villagers were very mean and angry all the time with each other as well as with the Chief and his Council. The Chief and his Council did not allow the villagers to make choices or think for themselves. The village was dictated by the Chief and his Council and all choices and decisions had to go through them and be decided by them. The man realized that the reason the villagers were not allowed to communicate with each other was so that they couldn't work together and overthrow the Chief and his Council. If villagers were caught performing tasks that were not specifically assigned by the Council they were whipped, if they got caught again they were stoned. The village had a very sad feeling to it, the villagers who were once intelligent, hard working people now had there spirits beaten down and did nothing but pray for the next ship to arrive. The man went to work everyday and went home every night, he went days, weeks even months without human contact. One day the man's letters stopped coming, we received word that after months and months the neighboring enemy island snuck in a ship and saved most of the villagers from the torment and rule of the Chief.

Maybe the man is still there, maybe he didn't get out. Maybe the Chief is still watching him like he is a child that cant do anything right. Maybe the man couldn't take it anymore and ran away from the village, ran out in search of that small village he loved so much. Maybe the man was caught trying to flee and was sentenced to be stoned by the Chief and his Council. We may never know what happened to the man, all we know is his story and how much he loved the two villages he lived at where everyone was equal, everyone was part of a community united for a single goal. Maybe one day some one can bring that same mentality to the village where the man was last heard from. The man once said that if he could leave this village he would live less for work and live more for family and friends.

The Darkness......

Tell me this, when you look up in the sky at night what do you see? I know that when I was growing up if you were to go outside and look up, even on a clear night all you would see was black. I am talking clear nights, with not a single cloud in the sky all you would see was black and if you were to drive out away from town and you were lucky you could see the North Star. That was it, no stars, no constellations, no planets, nothing. The glow of the city stretched for miles and miles beyond its city limits. Only if you were far out in the country or way up in the mountains did you get the opportunity to see any stars. I remember a camping trip I took with my family, we went camping once a year up in the mountains for as long as I can remember growing up. The place we went to was so far off the beaten path and so far into the mountains it took hours and hours to get to. I remember when I was younger I hated it because the drive was so long, all my friends went camping at places that were close by, why couldn't we? I look back now and there is no place I would have rather gone, the place was beautiful and it was what camping was all about. Being out in the woods sleeping on the floor of the forest, waking up to birds chirping, swimming in the pond under the waterfall, fishing the river for dinner, it was great.

This one trip that sticks out in my memory though, I can not tell you when or how old I was all I remember is the moment. My sister and I had hiked up from our camp site to the road. All I remember was that we were laying down out in the middle of the road, no cars, no people just us. The asphalt was still warm from the sun. See the place we went camping was so well forested that the only place you could see the sky was either along the river bank or where the road was. So we laid there in the middle of the road looking up at the sky for hours. We saw the Big Dipper, the Little Dipper, Orion's Belt, the Milky Way and thousands of others, all the basic constellations that most people get to see every night. We laid out in the middle of the road hundreds of miles away from civilization to see them. I remember the feel of that night very vividly as we lay there pointing out stars to each other, when all of a sudden a meteor shower began right in front of our eyes. It was like nothing I had ever seen before and I can honestly say I have never seen another since. To lay there and watch what we thought was shooting star after shooting star was amazing. At one point the whole sky filled with bright white streaks and haze as if someone had thrown sugar all over a piece of black paper. So to say the least I have always enjoyed the night sky and I have always wished I lived someplace were I could just sit out and look at the stars.

Well I guess my wish has come true. The sun has set beyond the horizon and we only get a faint glow in the sky for a few hours around lunch time, the rest of the day is dark and it gets a little more like night every day. Around town here in McMurdo the lights burn so bright it has that same feel of home, where the only darkness you stand in is a shadow. You can get away from town and almost find darkness, that is only because the landscape blocks the direct light from town. Even then if you look up in the sky you can still see the glow from town. Although even with the bright lights from town at anytime, anywhere in town if you look up you see stars. It is truly amazing, I have never seen stars so bright in my life, even during the "daylight" hours you can still see stars.

This week has been beautiful, no wind, no clouds just clear nights. I have found myself with the drive to get away from town so I have taken advantage of these nice calm, clear nights. I hiked out to Hut Point which is down past the ice pier and sat out there for almost 2 hours, taking pictures, looking at stars and watching the moon light up the terrain. The moon is so large here and so bright that when your eyes adjust and you are away from town, it lights up the mountains and the sea ice as if it was day time. From town if you were to look out at the Royal Society Mountain range all you would see is black, you can barely see the sea ice. But if you walk away from town and look out at it, you can see everything clear, the moon is that bright. The night I went to Hut Point the moon was sitting just above the horizon and it had a slim cloud line directly above and below it, you cloud see the reflection of the moon on the sea ice and the glow stretching farther than the eye can see. The moon was a dull orange color, honestly it reminded me of back home when the sun sets into the smog and you see that orange haze on the horizon. It is a sad beautiful, but this was a nice, soothing, peaceful beautiful. From the point I could look out and see three planets I believe they are Venus, Jupiter and Mars. Can you believe that three planets all at the same time in the sky, very distinct. Where else could you see that? Directly above town is the Southern Cross constellation, this is a constellation that you cant see from most of the world, but yet it is directly above me. It was such a great night, I could have stayed out there for hours I was plenty warm the only reason I went in was because it was around 1 in the morning and I had to be up for work in less than 5 hours.

Because the night at hut point was so great I decided to go out the following night as well, this time up to Ob Hill which is the peak on the opposite side of town. I decided to go out a bit earlier this time also that way I could stay out longer. I made my way out and up the hill, just in time to watch the moon rise up and over Mt. Erebus which is the worlds southern most active volcano. This was a site that I highly doubt many people down here have seen. The moon was almost full and was a bright white, just a huge glow in the sky. It was again a clear night not a cloud in the sky but yet it was so bright out that you could see all the way to Mt. Erebus as if it was day. Erebus was just a black outline in the sky and if you looked closely you could still see the plume of smoke that billows from its peak. It amazes me to think about it even now that it was so dark out and yet it was so bright. This night I sat up on the hill for a little over 3 hours just gazing at the stars and the clear sky and watching the moon change as it moved through the night. I decided to pack it in when a breeze picked up from the south, I had already been outside for 3 hours, I was plenty warm but I did not need to test myself in the wind. As I was hiking back to town the wind started to blow in some clouds that engulfed Erebus and then slowly the moon. I saw a lot of great things over those two nights and it is times like this, that makes you forget about the craziness that is this place. Just sitting up on the side of a hill overlooking a town all alone at night in Antarctica. It just doesn't get better than that, well I guess if there was Aurora's. I still have yet to see Aurora's, not only down here but at any time in my life. I am really looking forward to that. I took a lot of pictures over the two nights and only a few came out decent, I played and played with settings trying to figure out how to capture what I was seeing but in the end I think I got some shots that paint the picture fairly well. Nothing spectacular but when I leave here and go home I will be able to look back at these pictures and remember that night and that's the point, right?