Madness

"Oh my god, did you hear?" This seems to be how every conversation lately has started. Anyone that is familiar with The Ice is familiar with "The Rumor Mill". I am sure if you lived in a small town anywhere in the world, you would have rumor mill. Out of all three stations it seems to be the worst here though. It is strange, people just thrive on it here. Luckily I have not been the topic of a rumor yet this season, well at least not that I have known about. I try to not get involved in the malicious act but once someone gets people fired up, it can be easy to fall into. You can try and ignore it but the only real way to avoid it is to avoid being around people. This is not the only thing that has been stirring around here though. Typically the people spreading the rumor mill are the same people who have extremely negative attitudes in general. Rumor mill is one thing, you can ignore that most of the time but being surrounded by the negative attitudes is something that you cant escape here and you don't realize it is having an effect on you until you become that negative person.

The other day we hit the half way point between the last plane of the summer and the first plane of next summer. What does that mean? It means out of the almost exact 6 months without contact to the real world, we are half way done. I normally am a pessimist, but this is one thing I am looking at the good side of. The majority of people are walking around going I cant believe we have only been here for 3 months. Myself, I am excited that I only have 3 months left, hell that's no time! I have been deployed since September 2nd, so 3 more months is nothing. I am probably not going to leave on those first flights, but those first flights symbolize a beginning to an end so I am excited for that. The tone of the pessimist is strong here and I found myself falling victim to it several days and just thinking about how long it has been.

When that half way point hit, I decided that I was not going to fall victim anymore. I finished a book the other day that I had started over a year ago, those of you that have known me for awhile know that I am not the strongest reader, hell I am a mechanic for god's sake. But it is something that I have made a conscious decision to do more of and get better at. I am dyslexic and have astigmatism so for the longest time I would get frustrated when reading, and would have a hard time getting into the mood to read. I am a firm believer that people should always be learning though, when you stop learning you mind stops progressing. I didn't want to be that person, and since I have chosen to I have found several books that I find myself not being able to put down. The book I just finished is called Deep Survival like I said I started it along time ago. But in this book it goes over several scenarios where people are faced with life or death situations in isolated places and the choices they made had a direct impact on if they lived or died. I am obviously not in a situation where I am faced with life or death, but I am faced with a physical and especially a mental challenge to be down here for the remainder of this winter. In the book they quote an author that said something like emotion is useless at work. This is interesting to me because I am in a situation where my home life is still work, I cant really leave work. So does that mean that I am unable to have emotion? Not necessarily, but I do find myself realizing that if you take emotion out of the equation, then most of the problems and negative attitudes here would go away.

So the book reiterates to me that for me to stay sane and survive the winter here, I need to find a way to calm my emotions. One way I have found to accomplish this is by establishing small achievable goals, not only do you get an instant gratification which feels good it helps develop a flow and rhythm to your life. I am not one for schedules, I hate them and I hate feeling obligated to do things. But having things to shoot for without the structure is more my style. I have also given up on the people here. Some of you might be shocked and think that, that isn't good. But it is good for me. Like I said since the sun has gone down and there has been a lot of issues, people here just aren't happy. They aren't happy with the dark, there jobs, there bosses, the company, the food, the other departments basically if they can think of something to complain about they will. I found myself falling into that and I didn't like it, I was not happy and complaining a lot and just in a bad spot mentally. I eat meals in the galley still, but this is really my only time I spend with the general community. I wanted everyone to be happy and have fun and do all these community activities so we could be a tight group, but no one else seems to want those things and I am not waiting for them anymore. They say the people you winter with here, you will keep in contact with them for the rest of your life. Ha, I think there is maybe 4 to 5 people I can see myself making an effort to keep in contact with, everyone else, ehhh. I have started spending my off hours in my room reading, watching movies, playing video games etc. I have other activities planned for the rest of my season, like I want to try and learn another language and start a radio show. These are all things I can do that are somewhat constructive for me and allow me to not be around the general community.

I have found myself in a focused state of mind, it is strange I am thinking a lot and researching a lot about things I would like to do in my life time, not planning them just looking you know. I was walking outside the other day, it was about -20F and no wind, the stars were out bright and the moon was setting bright red on the horizon. It was one of the coolest things I have ever seen and I realized how much I love it here. I know strange to hear I guess after all that. But this place is amazing and is one of a kind and just full of beauty. People just forget sometimes, even if you were on a tropical island you would get tired of it after awhile, because it becomes routine. That's all it is here, people who come back year after year don't remember where they are at. It becomes a job to them and they forget that "hey idiot, you are in Antarctica". The people that complain, bitch and are miserable here are the people who have been coming back for years, they bitch about amenities that they used to have that got taken away. Hey look idiot, amenities are just that amenities. "You are in Antarctica for the winter!!!" Hello people, honestly you should be grateful you have power, heat and food. But yet you hear the "why don't we have wireless internet" or "my rooms cold". Seriously, come on?

With this I started to look back at myself and I have noticed that each season I come down it is harder for me. One there is a lot more expected of me each time, but I also learn a little more about the company, how things work etc. But the main thing is, is that with each time I come down I get a little bit more used to it and forget a little bit each time about where I am. It becomes a job and less of an adventure. I don't like that, I started this for the adventure and have turned it into a job. So I have made a decision to not come back next year, not for the summer, not for the winter, not at all. When I finish this contract I will have almost 2 full years in Antarctica and I want to leave it at that. I want to leave this place with the a good taste in my mouth. I want to leave it as an adventure and the experience of a life time, not a job. So like I said I have begun to avoid people and just be content with what I have and where I am. I keep myself busy both physically and mentally and just do my own thing, avoiding the negative people and there negative attitudes. Since I have done this, I am in a lot better mood and feel great. I am happy and I get to remember the beauty of this place and just enjoy the fact that I am spending a winter in the coldest, darkest, driest place on earth, Antarctica.